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3.23.09 - 2:07 am
Because I can't put it on my blogger right now, but it's exactly how I'm feeling.

To see you when I wake up
Is a gift I didn't think could be real.
To know that you feel the same as I do
Is a three-fold, Utopian dream.

You do something to me that I can't explain.
So would I be out of line if I said "I miss you"?

I see your picture.
I smell your skin on
The empty pillow next to mine.
You have only been gone ten days,
But already I'm wasting away.
I know I'll see you again
Whether far or soon.
But I need you to know that I care,
And I miss you.

3.11.09 - 4:57 pm
Today started off pretty awesome. Well, maybe not awesome, but it was definitely in the positive side of the spectrum. Now I'm all caught up in my own head and I don't know how to deal with it.

The space doesn't seem to be working because when I get a taste of something I run right back to where I was. Any level of advice would be really awesome.

3.9.09 - 10:18 pm
I wish that being happy for him didn't lead being sad that I'm not included.

9.2.08 - 2:20 pm
[ mood | flirty ]

I'm sure that this will come as a complete shock to all reading it, but my first official comment to everyone else about my day at school is that there is an incredibly adorable boy sitting across from me in the computer lab at the moment.

7.7.08 - 9:05 pm
I've been updating my blogspot. I'll probably continue to do so unless I need some more privacy and then I'll post here with a locked entry.

6.9.08 - 8:07 pm
[ mood | blank ]

I really thought that I saw AJ in Target about an hour ago. She's from Sacramento, so it wouldn't be terribly out of the realm of possibility. Jeff and I actually followed her for a second and I was going to say hi. Then I saw her again, and I don't think it really was her. This girl's nose was too narrow.

6.1.08 - 12:56 pm
[ mood | cheerful ]

Last night was awesome.

That was the short version.Collapse )

5.27.08 - 10:20 pm
[ mood | contemplative ]

I need your help.

I'm trying to figure out if this is something that I'm actually desiring, or if it's just how the show works.

Does anyone else want to write when they watch Sex and the City? I used to want to write, so I think it has something to do with that, but maybe it's just the wanting to be Carrie thing.

Let me know if you've ever had the urge to write because she does to help me determine if I should actually start writing again, and maybe submit stuff for freelance work?

Eep, how exciting would that be?

Also, Thursday night at midnight I'm going to see the movie!!! There's actually a whole night planned, but I don't remember the order. There's pedicures, dinner, and yogurt involved though. My brother's coming too, with the provision that Laura Joanna and I are splitting his pedicure. I really want to do that just to see the look on the woman's face when he shows up.

Maybe we'll get him to go for colored polish!

5.27.08 - 5:13 pm
[ mood | exhausted ]

Written while at work, I have not checked to see if it makes sense or anything, I'm just going to paste it.

Songs always mean more when you're extra emotional and wanting something to relate to. It's very easy then to think that every song was written for your specific situation, or exactly the opposite. There's often not too much grey area when needing something to relate to. I've found myself this morning either totally getting into songs and feeling like I knew exactly what was happening in the writer's life when they wrote it, or having to skip it because I couldn't relate to anything happening in it and was worried that I would end up crying at work, which is really not on my list of things that I'd like to do today.

Luckily I have avoided that so far. My eyes haven't even really welled up, though I have had to take a few deep breaths when my chest tightens. That's ok though, I can get through the day if I just remember to breathe. It's already 11:13 and I'm doing ok. I just got in from a walk around half of the building to try to make it feel like I was starting fresh at 11 and the day would be shorter. I don't think it helped too much, but it was nice none the less.

I've been listening to music in hopes that it will help the day seem to move a little bit faster, and I think that it's been working for that, but of course I have to pick stuff that's a little bit depressing and can match my mood. I've tried to keep it up beat a little bit, but most of those attempts have me skipping songs for the reasons stated above. In coming across Rilo Kiley's song More Adventurous I found myself objecting to the main idea because I had taken the advice in the song previously, and I'm not liking the way it's turning out.

The lyrics go, "I read with every broken heart we should become more adventurous." I did that the last time that I opened up my heart after a heartbreak. I let a lot of things be that I would normally walk away from. While I had a lot of fun and it's the closest to being loved that I've ever come, this is a far worse pain that I'm going through now. Probably because it's not concrete. This time around I definitely wouldn't trade the good so I didn't have to go through the bad, which is the opposite of the last time, but I definitely can't go around being more adventurous now and then getting even more crushed later.

That's exactly why I'm being very careful about seeing a guy who I had been seeing a little over a year ago before he went to Iraq. He's on leave for two more months, and while the most cautious way to deal with him being back would be to not even respond to his texts, I've hung out with him once and may be doing so again tonight. I've been extremely honest with him in regards to my current pain and that nothing is going to happen. That's been awesome for me because he is being the friend that I need right now.

5.26.08 - 8:51 pm
[ mood | cranky ]

If you live in California and are not registered to vote, please do so immediately. It is very possible that there will be a proposed amendment to the California constitution that would restrict marriage to heterosexual couples.

We need every single person eligible to vote to get their say in. While of course I would love for you all to want to allow gay couples to marry, I respect that you may not understand just how important it is, so I'm not asking you to vote against this amendment. If this amendment passes I want to know that it really truly is what the people of California want. I don't really think that it is, but I only know a small portion of the population.

If you don't really care either way, think about if someone decided that people of different races should no longer be able to get married. Doesn't make sense, right? I see this situation as the same thing.

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